So this is my first blog post, and this is me sifting through what ever tree of thought pops up first in the vast forest that is my mind, trying to verbalise solid paragraphs and stick to the trunk when there are so many branches and twigs of tangents that divert from the centre in all directions. Plus all the thought trees are connected by an underground network of mushrooms that is my subconsious. I think I also just described how neurons fire in the brain… thoughts and neuron action all in the same.
So I have had a lot of mushrooms recently, which has smashed my reality back into Inception again. I have really have come down to believing that nothing in physical reality is really real. That I don’t exist. As in the concept of ‘I’ as a separate entity to ‘you’ or ‘that’ or anything else is a false assumption made for the survival of this avatar body. To me life right now is but a clever illusion, and I like this little dream I’m in. And if it’s all just an inflection of my mind then why would I choose to ever hold on to negative emotions like embarrassment or shame? Why would I care what other people think of me if they’re just a part of me? Just sections of my subconscious to reflect upon and interact with in this realm. So yeah I’m letting go of that assumption that I will be vulnerable if other people know my deepest personal feelings because I love to express myself and don’t want any reason invented by myself to block me from doing that!
so BAM I’m starting this blog!
I really just want to get the ball rolling with this and actually have some content on here. Not just have this empty link that I created 7 months ago, high on coffee and the adrenaline of the full moon and PMS at the McDonalds in St. Peter’s. I had this niggly feeling to babble on about my life because I was so uncomfortable with it at that point in time. When I feel like I have wronged myself I like to write about it, admit it to me and it somewhat makes me feel better. I had missed the full moon ritual I was invited to that evening and table dived pizza before having a muffin and coffee and staying out from the dodgy squat I was crashing in where I was in Sydney. And in my life, food is the epitomy decider for my mood. I ended up a bit lost there 10 days after leaving Vipassana in the Blue Mountians after the second day.
Gotta say I’m in a MUCH better position in life now after slowly unaddicting myself to sugar, and getting back into creating and loving myself again.
The story of that journey is long and I may word it out in another post.
Something that did come to mind recently is what I did after failing vipassana, I was internally laughing about the other day at a Drum and Bass party.
So this is me:
Goes to vipassana, leaves after two days and dances so hard at Drum n Bass party people ask if I sell MDMA and then I have sex with this random 20 year old.
So yeah, the first thing I decided to do after sitting around, struggling to meditate in the mountains for two days is to dance crazily for 5 hours to some really loud intense high energy music in the city. So crazy, I try to be still and focus in and then I leave and do the exact opposite. And there I randomly picked up a 20 year old and took him back to the squat for birthday sex! But because there were people writing hi-tech and smoking bongs in the living room, I made him stay out with me in the dusty shed! haha he was so like wtf about going in a dusty shed, I have no idea how I got him to not care about it, because he was weirded out. I set out my tent flat as a tarpy thing and had a sleeping bag for warmth.
His name was Chandra, Nepalese. And he makes and sells souerkrout at some local markets near the city in Sydney. Yum souerkrout! part o my Czech heritage. He was a lovely person actually, we talked really easily to each other and spent a long time doing that because he couldn’t actually keep it up. He only ended up at my place because we were both by far the most high energy dancers at the club, and we just had to feed off each other with our dancing and then we made out exactly when the vocals in the music was singing ‘you’re beautifulllll’ hahaha! And then I started talking to him and I found out it was his birthday and I was like you have to come back for some birthday sex haha thought too ridiculous not to do. He was out with friends had to call them to say bye and he had work selling sauerkraut the next day haha.
Still don’t get how I was so charged and dancing that night, two people asked me if I sold MDMA. I thought I would of been really unfit after not really exercising for a while, directly after two days of eating lots and sitting and doing nothing. Must have been the music in contrast to the silence of the days before. Music has soo much influence over my mood, just like food.
Anyway it’s so late now, I hope to have entertained you! I plan on sharing a lot more crazy stories as well as philosophy / personal life views / food blogs / art and music stuff too! If you have any reactions to what you just read please comment them out to me. Let me know what you think!